“The importance of communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
– Peter Drucker
By ASHLEIGH BREDENHANN
We are in love. We’re blossoming and glowing. Butterflies cooking up a storm inside our bellies. We share moments of gazing at one another only for a moment, blushing warming our faces. It’s those moments where you literally live from love and water. You can’t eat or drink. Constantly smiling. You want to burst out of your skin. Intense happiness vibrates from your very essence. Every single person seeing you start smiling as they nod and realize… “Oh, they’re in love.”
You find yourself within this vibrational space of feathery lightness.
Tiptoeing on cotton candy clouds.
Nothing, absolutely no thunderstorm or rainy day can disturb the love you feel within your very being. You swoon and stare into the distance, smiling and grinning from ear to ear.
I was 21-years-old in 2001. I took my grandparents car and drove to the nearest shop to buy milk and bread.
Absolutely loving the solitude as they asked me to quickly hurry to the shop and get needed foods. Moments where I was alone, driving slowly in their car alongside the beachfront. Watching the waves crash onto the beach. It was cloudy, rainy and the scene was set. I now had me-time where I could wander off into my own thoughts. The world was my oyster, the heights I reached with my imagination.
Saturday morning, around 11 AM. I drove back from the shop admiring the ocean. I have always been connected to the ocean, thus it constantly pulls me inward to become a part of the living beneath. In the distance, I saw this guy walking towards me. We lock eyes…his blue eyes and red lips. The car moved slower and slower as if we were in our own slow-motion movie. My heart jumped and my teeth became visible as I no longer could contain the smile forming on my face. It’s him…
“I stopped the car, opened the passenger’s side. He got in. Nervous and shy, we both locked eyes for a moment.
The fire between us ignited as we cleared our throats simultaneously. I drove back to my grandparents’ house and introduced them to ‘my guy’.”
We’ve been together for two months at that time. 5 PM arrived and he met me at my place. We drove for about 30 minutes. Arriving at our destination, it was a cliff overlooking the ocean. He knew me so well already. The sky darkened as it got ready to invite the rain. The scene once again was perfect. Just the two of us alone in this universe.
The scene and story are perfect, won’t you agree?
Unfortunately, all these beautiful perfect moments and emotions only masked what lurked beneath. I’ve never been much of a talker. I only always observed whenever I found myself within social gatherings. I never enjoyed talking. Never had much to say. Yet, when it came to writing words onto paper…now there is where the magic happened…even if only in my mind. It flowed right out of me, the energy burst right out of my heart onto the paper as the words started bleeding into scenes and stories. Yet, when it came to physically talking…I could not let out one word.
There we sat in the car. He knew my past, but also, he discovered that I couldn’t talk. He took my hands, held it within his warm soft embrace. Deeply he gazed into my eyes. “Ash, the time has come that you need to learn how to communicate. Just open your mouth and talk. Whatever comes out, let it out. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Just talk.”
I tried. I really did.
It was as if something literally blocked the words from escaping my mouth. How was I supposed to let out all the pain, anger, resentment, regret and gunk out of my system? I did not know how to talk. I haven’t done it since forever. Therapy and having to meet with different psychologists every now and then did absolutely nothing for me. They couldn’t help me, neither did they care to search alternative methods to help me. The medical team gave up on me, so did my mother.
(If you are new here, I have a category ‘The Beauty of Freedom’ where I share with you my personal story from what I had to endure as a child and how I eventually discovered myself and healed. This will explain the root problem of why I struggled to communicate.
Blog post: RELEASE
My mind immediately escaped into flight mode. She wanted no part of talking. I didn’t know how. Where would I begin? What would I say? Could it solve anything? Will it make me feel better? Question upon question drowned me, yet he knew. As he saw me mentally escaping, he would pull me back, let me regain focus and we’ll start all over again. He never pushed me though or forced healing upon me. It took time.
You see, all the trauma during my childhood I had to endure, I kept it bottled up inside. I was never allowed to vent or had any release valve where I simply could let it all out. No, it was stuck inside of me.
After we got married, my blue-eyed and red lips man, our difficulties didn’t stop there. No, it barely started. My husband showed me the importance of communication and how it can tremendously have a direct impact on your life. Communication is probably one of the most crucial tools we all need to heal in whichever means possible.
Regardless of what your childhood looked like, what trauma you had to face. Maybe you’ve had a perfect childhood, but entered an abusive relationship with your husband or wife. Maybe you’ve been sexually harassed or physically abused. What if your partner cheated on you, or you face a terminal illness. Death took place and grief now drowns you while you’re wide awake.
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU ARE FACING.
Communication is crucial to healing and letting it all out. It takes practice to communicate effectively. It takes time. Healing takes time.
You’ll notice if you read all my other blog posts, that I really place emphasis on healing takes time. I do this so that you can realize healing in any form isn’t a quick fix. Patience with yourself; courage to walk the recovery path; perseverance is much needed, it all requires some effort for you to walk out on the other side, being able to look back and truly heal in the areas you need healing.
Compassionate communication is crucial to our well-being and very essence. Communication comes down to being completely aware of yourself and your feelings. Conveying your words carefully with much thought, self-love, and respect.
Many of us need to write down our thoughts, some don’t even have emotional support where they have an ear whom will listen to their side of their story. Too many people out there are alone and have no support whatsoever. Get yourself a notebook or journal. Make time for yourself every single day. You have time for everything else, but never for yourself. Start making time for yourself! If no-one else will, step in to rescue yourself. This life is about you learning certain things, reclaiming back your power and stepping into your purpose of discovering who you are. Don’t leave it until later or tomorrow…you know why…you’ll never come back to it. We humans have too many excuses of why we can’t work on ourselves.
Coming back to that night where hubby (now), boyfriend (then) and I sat in his car overlooking the ocean.
That is where my healing started. It was only the beginning stages of healing. It took hubby years and years to get me talking and letting it all out. Communication is also a way of processing things inside of you. Letting those words out, regardless of how painful or uncomfortable it may feel. It is vital to your own well-being.
Visualize a swamp. The waters are murky and it stinks. Why, because the water is stagnant within one area. There is no flow. Now you start communicating and you are allowing this stagnant swamp to drain or flow. This is what’s needed. Letting out the old, letting go of that which no longer serves you and allowing new fresh water to enter your area, your system. As you process all the trauma and happenings which created the swamp in the first place, you allow yourself the freedom to express how it made you feel. You’re slowly but surely untangling the web of chaos that was created.
In the video above (embedded in heading), I explain communication in a bit more detail. So be sure to watch it. It kind of helps knowing how communication works and the benefits you’ll reap at the end of the day.
Remember, there is truly nothing you can’t accomplish when it comes to your own health and well-being. You simply need to be open to it. Breathe, breathe and breathe some more.
If you have no one you trust to whom you can speak to, get yourself a notebook or journal. You can even write emails addressed to yourself. Just start writing what’s going on in your mind. If you don’t enjoy writing, your phone has a voice recording app. Be somewhere alone and start talking. Tomorrow you listen to your recordings and answer yourself, object or agree and state why you’re objecting or defending yourself. Just start talking. Practice this daily if you need to. Do so until you meet someone who will support you and guide you to inner peace.
Communication truly opens the channels to the ebb and flow of life.
The posts on the Lyran Heart Blog detail my own personal experiences in relation to the topic. This can include, but is not limited to, challenges, healing, growth, evolving etc. When it comes to lessons and/or healing tips, we cannot guarantee that you will have the same experiences or outcome. I am not a doctor and cannot provide medical advice. None of the information I share should be used as a replacement for seeking medical attention.
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