The Beauty of Freedom

“Honor your being. Release each struggle. Gather strength from life’s storms. Relax in the arms of spirit.”

– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

author-ash-b-portrait-photograph

By ASHLEIGH BREDENHANN

The beauty of freedom… at what cost?

Release…

Is it possible to release so much pain, anger, resentment, trauma, rejection, and abandonment?

How do you leave behind the victim mentality and enter a space of tranquility?

Could you forgive people that hurt you so intensely and immensely?

How do you forget all the wrong-doings and trauma that accompanies it all?

Can you forgive the two people that call themselves ‘mother and father’; the two people who brought you into this life? Conception that was supposed to be sacred and born from love.How do you ever forgive and forget such acts of violence and cruelty bestowed upon you?

Mothers and Fathers are supposed to love and cherish their young. Guide and leading their children into adulthood, preparing them for the tough life out there.

 

These are all questions that were deeply rooted and imprinted into my beingness at that time. My subconscious revealed the horror of it all over and over, especially in my dreams.

For years I was the victim. The world truly owed me ‘life’! My ego would have it no other way. Seeking attention and acknowledgment constantly. I wanted attention for all the wrong reasons.”

At times I felt like a Venus flytrap…

Thinking I could make use of my physicality, luring in potential prey. As soon as they fell for it, I would suck them into my drowning ocean of despair. Often, I absorbed their beingness and essence of who they were, only to feel better about myself and in the process of hating myself. My whole existence didn’t want to be this person who endured so much gunk. I wanted and needed to be someone else to stay afloat.

Unfortunately, all my efforts of running away from my past only caused more havoc building up through the years, and I became my own worst enemy. I became a self-absorbed black hole, not knowing how to rescue myself.

So, I was consumed with hatred and judgment. Negativity was interwoven into my very beingness of being alive every single day. Dark thoughts…revenge tricked me into thinking obsessively about how I want to destroy all who destroyed me.

But ultimately, I destroyed myself…every waking moment I crashed continuously into oblivion, not realizing the destruction I’ve caused for myself.

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Since this post and video is part 1 of a 15-part series, you’ll start to notice how I healed from destruction to healing to ultimately self-discovery. So, I’m going to refrain a bit from delving too deeply into this post.

What I want you to notice and ultimately discover, is that after years and years of breaking down my destructive walls mentally and gaining the WILL to survive, heal and grow…I did make it.

SO CAN YOU! YES… YOU CAN!

Unfortunately, there are far too many people out there who have lived a past of utter hell. We all have a story to share, no-one should ever compare their story with someone else’s, because you experience each event as deeply as the next. We all suffered, went through some traumatic event and we should respect one another’s space, not judging or criticizing because those who do judge have not walked in the shoes of the one who walked through flames to get to a place of healing. Never judge anyone. Just let each one be and heal in their own time and space. Unfortunately, many people can’t face the horror of their lives; thus they successfully commit suicide and my heart truly goes out to each one of them. It breaks my heart knowing when somebody suffers and struggles and they can’t find a rope to keep them afloat.

We can try to be strong and brave for those who feel weak, lost and alone. However ultimately, those who suffer, need to find the strength and bravery within themselves first.

That’s where the WILL to fight begins.

Family and friends can offer support. Support of love and guidance and having a constant presence of positivity with encouraging words will help.

How did I survive it all?

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I released that which no longer served me.

How long did this take?

Unfortunately, not a month or two.

Realizing that I needed to release my past… letting go… didn’t happen overnight.

It cost me years of reprogramming my subconscious mind. It took years of dedication, perseverance, kindness, and patience with myself. Deep within my essence, I knew I wanted to heal. How to get there was the tricky part.

With support from my husband and in-laws, I gained the strength to hold onto life. It was a constant ‘Cliff Hanger’ moment every single day.

Some days I held on, whereas other days the realization of my past crippled me completely and my husband had to hold onto my hand…literally, or I would plummet to my death.

My releasing period consisted of anti-depressants, therapy and much support from the people who truly loved me. As I grew stronger within myself, I discontinued my anti-depressants and therapy. I started researching alternative plant medicines which consisted of CBD Oil, Ayahuasca and San Pedro. And eating the correct foods – veggies and fruits! Oh, you will be so surprised to find out what a healthy diet can do to your whole body; physically; mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!

These are all topics which will be covered in the coming follow-ups of this series.

Plant medicines ultimately showed me how to truly release. How to truly forgive those who harmed me and how to move forward in my life. Much healing took place. I still grow, learning from my experiences. Evolving consciously and expanding my soul as I progress forward.

Before we near the end of this blog post…to be continued soon… I do want to share with you 5 things that helped me tremendously from letting go of my past…

  1. Acknowledgment
  2. Acceptance
  3. Surrender
  4. Gratitude
  5. Believe in yourself

I’ve written a post about these five powerful points… here is the link : Healing the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual body

However, all these points will be covered in more depth as we progress through the Beauty of Freedom series. Again, I share openly my story with you, to show you that one can heal and live a life within a positive space, regardless of what your past may look like.

We all have our own stories, challenges we face, lessons to learn and we are all unique. None of us can be forced to heal or let go of the past. This happens within our divine timing.

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A special note to family and friends of those who suffered and or still do suffer a traumatic past…

Thank you for being patient with us during our healing process. It may be confusing to you at times, as it is for us.

Unfortunately, we can’t be forced to get over ourselves, as this has created scars within our subconscious minds and emotional bodies. We are however constantly fighting with ourselves for survival which is such a crucial part of our journey.

We don’t always intend to be mean or emotionless. Sometimes we can’t always help it. Thank you for standing with us as we chase you away or reject you at all costs. But please … don’t give up on us. Internally, we are screaming for help, love, strength, and guidance. Just the fact that you keep sticking around…shows us your dedication and love you feel towards us. Thank you for this.

Thank you for being there and listening and always trying to understand, even if all of it doesn’t make sense.

We do love you and we know you love us.

Remember, I have conquered my past. Acknowledging everything. Accepting it all. Surrendering to what was, what is and what will be.

Now, I have an attitude of gratitude.

And I do believe in myself.

 

If I can do this, so can YOU! Hang in there and just keep moving forward.

 

Caution of warning: The video  in the heading section does contain emotional disturbing narration. If you find words to be triggers for your depression, anxiety or panic attacks; please don’t watch it.

The video contains my story in a bit of detail, not too much, of what I had to endure as a child. However, it’s not something you have to listen to.

Much Love,

Ash B.

Disclaimer:

The posts on the Lyran Heart Blog detail my own personal experiences in relation to the topic. This can include, but is not limited to, challenges, healing, growth, evolving etc. When it comes to lessons and/or healing tips, we cannot guarantee that you will have the same experiences or outcome. I am not a doctor and cannot provide medical advice. None of the information I share should be used as a replacement for seeking medical attention.

All the content on this blog is original, unless otherwise noted. We ask that you please do not repost any of our posts without obtaining permission, however you are more than welcome to link back to our post.

Copyright © 2019 Lyran Heart.

 

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